{"id":276,"date":"2014-07-16T09:59:53","date_gmt":"2014-07-16T16:59:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hoppinworld.com\/mydiary\/?p=276"},"modified":"2017-11-24T20:27:50","modified_gmt":"2017-11-25T03:27:50","slug":"presidential-fitness-test","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hoppinworld.com\/mydiary\/2014\/07\/16\/presidential-fitness-test\/","title":{"rendered":"Presidential Fitness Test"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was a fat kid, people gave me titty twisters on the school bus. \u00a0I turned up the Eazy E and looked out the window as the straw colored hills of Morgan Hill rolled by. \u00a0When I took the Presidential Fitness Test, the result was that I was not fit. \u00a0It was no surprise.<\/span><\/p>\n

My teacher, who taught me to code Logos on beige Apple ][e’s in the computer lab, which I loved and was good at, handed me a rope and asked me to climb it. \u00a0 It was attached to the ceiling. \u00a0Of the gymnasium! \u00a0Later they took us out to the monkey bars to climb poles. \u00a0I got the wind knocked out of me and saw stars. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We played Dungeons and Dragons at recess. \u00a0I was the Dungeon Master. \u00a0 We didn’t have books to follow, just one twenty-sided die. \u00a0We took turns rolling it and then I made up what happened. \u00a0Who died, who killed the Dragon, who saved the maiden, who got turned into a bird and then a donkey. \u00a0We huddled in the shade of a small tree in the parched clay school yard. \u00a0It was dusty. \u00a0I sweat from my armpits.<\/p>\n

My grandmother told me that she didn’t believe in Hell except for Ronald Reagan who was going for closing halfway houses and defunding disability programs while governor of California. \u00a0Arnold Schwarzenegger had helped to design the test. \u00a0They’re both going to Hell, I thought.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was a fat kid, people gave me titty twisters on the school bus. \u00a0I turned up the Eazy E and looked out the window as the straw colored hills of Morgan Hill rolled by. \u00a0When I took the Presidential Fitness Test, the result was that I was not fit. \u00a0It was no surprise. My … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Presidential Fitness Test”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[285],"tags":[73,74,70,71,72,13],"class_list":["post-276","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-fat","tag-logos","tag-presidential-fitness-test","tag-reagan","tag-schwarzenegger","tag-story"],"yoast_head":"\nPresidential Fitness Test - Hoppin World<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hoppinworld.com\/mydiary\/2014\/07\/16\/presidential-fitness-test\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Presidential Fitness Test - Hoppin World\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was a fat kid, people gave me titty twisters on the school bus. \u00a0I turned up the Eazy E and looked out the window as the straw colored hills of Morgan Hill rolled by. \u00a0When I took the Presidential Fitness Test, the result was that I was not fit. \u00a0It was no surprise. 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